Apparently, I can control the weather.  I’ll give you some time to let the value of ability sink in.

…

Okay, now let me explain how I came about finding that I have this talent.  I stood up from my desk to give my eyeballs a rest — staring at a computer screen from eight to 16 hours a day can make you wish someone would gouge them out with a soup spoon to make the blur go away.  As I wandered over to the window, I looked at the gray sky and muttered to myself, “I sure wish it would snow already.”  It’s not forecast to start until around 3:00 p.m. but I would enjoy a snowstorm in the middle of July.  I like snow that much.

Then, something strange happened: a snowflake wafted slowly down in front of me.

Then another.

Over the next 30 seconds, the snow picked up.  Now, it’s coming down in what would be the rainy equivalent of a steady shower and appears to be reaching toward a white downpour.

Realizing that I apparently have some control over the elements, I started thinking how useful this talent could be.  Then, as I always do, I started thinking of the profitability, because that’s where my mind wanders to for just about every thought I have.  Which means I spend most of my day wondering how I can make a buck.  I’m greedy like that.  And I’m cheap, according to a frighteningly large number of my immediate family.  But anyway…

Say my lawn is looking a little parched in the middle of a particularly droughty August.  I’ll just make it rain.  The weekend sporting event is being threatened with a rainout?  Not with me on hand.  I want a new car but I couldn’t possibly afford another down payment.  So what?  I just need to hold the sun for ransom!

Then I crashed back to reality: it was just coincidence.  I have no control over that stuff.  No deity in his left mind (because I assume God is right-handed and very, very creative) would bestow such a power on mischievous ol’ me.

Besides, the shower already stopped.