I try to post every week, and for a while it's been happening on Sundays. Well, yesterday was a bit of a struggle for me, as I didn't feel the normal burden from God that I've been getting each week as to what I should write. Last night, I got that burden through a small crisis.
Her Cuteness has been under the weather since Friday. Her sitter noted that she had a runny nose, and when I put her to bed that night I noticed she was a little warm. A quick check later and I saw she did indeed have an elevated temperature,but at just over 100 degrees it wasn't anything to worry about.
Saturday told a different story. Her temperature shot up to 103.8 in the morning, but fluctuated all day with each dose of Tylenol. She still had her energy, until about 5:00. From that point through her bedtime at 7:00, she was pretty lethargic. She woke up several times throughout the night and I maintained a rigorous schedule of dosing out the Tylenol. And by morning, the fever had broken. She was a perfect 98.6.
Things started to swing back toward bad throughout the day, though, but we kept her temp below 103 all day. An hour after I put her to bed, though, she woke up crying. She was a sweaty mess, and was so hot she was uncomfortable to touch. A quick visit from the pediatric nurse next door confirmed my thoughts that we should be on our way to the emergency room, and a few minutes later we arrived. By the time they took her temperature — 20 minutes after I had seen it rise to 104.1 — it topped out at 105. I've never seen her look or sound so pathetic in my life, and God willing I'll never have to witness it again. Throughout the night she was subjected to two temperature measurements — that hard way — a catheter for a urine sample, a large needle for a blood sample and a second needle for the I.V. (they nicked the other side of the vein with the first needle, eliminating the ability to administer fluids and antibiotics through that vein), and finally a chest x-ray. We were finally discharged a little after 1:00 a.m., and she was asleep again before 2:00.
The night was not easy, as she had been so traumatized by that point that every time she woke up alone in the dark she panicked. Even me holding her couldn't console her. It was such a tough experience, and never in my life have I wished more that I had someone familiar close by my side. I did talk by phone with some family members, and had a wonderfully distracting call from a close friend as Kaylee slept in my arms while receiving fluids via the I.V.
But the point of all this is that sometimes we have a view of our lives that we think is set in stone, and then something happens to completely change that, whether it's momentary or permanent. I thought she'd be fine — we licked the fever by Sunday morning and she was back to her old self again. But then modes changed quickly, and I knew I had to change my view from "dad" to "field marshal." I was no longer in a position to just administer love; at 104 degrees, the human body begins to enter the danger zone. At 105, it's severe. Kaylee's condition necessitated me stepping out of my Dad Suit and into a somewhat detached mode, where I had to make sure logic prevailed over emotion. For instance, catching myself doing 80 in a 45 and knowing that getting to the ER safe was far more important than getting there fast; the drive is only three miles anyway. Once she was in the care of the physicians, I could be Dad again, but that wasn't an option at the time.
It's much like a lot of other things we experience in life. God has a way with throwing us curveballs. Just when we think He's pointing us one way, He tells us it's time to go a different direction. It's not that He changed his mind, and it's not that we were "hearing" God wrong. It's just that His timing is perfect, and our view of it is imperfect. We can only see the change in direction, not the reason for it, at least not at the time it happens. In retrospect we'll see the perfection of it all, but at the moment it may be hard to swallow. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" The simple fact here is that God will not bring us to harm, no matter what we think of his plan at a given time.
It's important to note that it is unwise to fight God's intentions. A few weeks ago in Letting God Lead I talked about this subject; it's never a good idea to "take back the wheel" once you've chosen to let God drive the bus. The struggle here is that we develop our own plans based on current and past events, and then when God bends the road on us we keep wanting to go straight. It's at these critical times in our walks with the Lord that we need to be attentive and pray that we can see the new road ahead. Don't pray to change the road, just ask that it will be well-lit.
In closing, I'd like to ask you to pray for Kaylee, as her temperature has gone back up again tonight. It's not as bad, but still a matter for concern. And she's been through enough this year as it is; she doesn't need this, too. Pray for me, too, that I can handle this on my own without letting emotions get the best of me. But most of all, pray for her.
