Apparently, all that time on beautiful beaches has fried their brains.

A Bahamian jury determined that Anna Nicole Smith's son died as a result of an accidental drug overdoes.   The kick in the crotch here is that a jury was responsible for determining "fact" regardless of what was actually documented by a coroner.  Clearly, what is fact and what is fiction now requires the deliberation of our peers, rather than hard scientific evidence.  Pretty soon, a medical examiner's decision that a person is dead will be overturned by a jury — even with the person six feet under.  "Nope, Bob is still alive, by a vote of 11 to one."  Mark my words.

Her Cuteness has never been what I would call a "normal" child.  She is, after all, offspring of InvertedMind.  And she's my first-born, too, so she probably came from the most potent of my…uh…you know.  She inherited my sense of humor, too, and that can only be described as frightening.

The one thing I thought was normal about her — until today, that is — was her preference for food.  She always seemed to like the usual suspects.  She's a pizza fanatic, and she loves sweet stuff.  I did think it strange that she just completely stopped eating chicken fingers, though.  And my concerns became quite well founded today, when — 24 hours after shunning said chicken fingers — she ate three helpings of fresh pasta primavera.  For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically pasta and sauteed vegetables.  The girl was thrilled to eat broccoli.  Yes, she's my child, and I loved it growing up.  But I was totally unprepared for the possibility that God would make such an exact copy of me.  I mean, really, is the world ready for two of us?

Not really.  if you've read 1984 or Animal Farm you'll certainly get the reference and, rest assured, it's nothing like that.  But the time has come to institute some rules in this anti-Utopian state I live in (that would be the State of Denial), just to keep this place running smoothly.  So check them out and consider yourselves warned.  I have a wet noodle waiting for the first offender.  So come on, I dare ya…

I have a Nintendo Wii.  I bought it in October on a whim, and it was one of the best purchases I've ever made.  Not long ago (as in, the beginning of the month), my sister was visiting me for a week during her spring break.  One night we got really bored, so we started creating some random Miis for no real reason.  One of the critters I created was a bald-ain't-beautiful Britney Spears.

I point this out for a reason.  Someone else has now come up with a much, much more creative use for a bald Britney.  And, because this has simply rendered me speechless, I give you exhibit A:

I just saw a commercial for Lunesta, and now I have a question: how can "drowsiness" be a possible side-effect of a sleep aid?!

Just as I did at Christmas, I want to take this time to remind you all exactly what it is we're celebrating.  Amid your colored eggs, your baskets full of candy and even your array of gifts, remember this day was set aside to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ and his subsequent ascension to Heaven (which, of course, happened weeks later).  The Easter Bunny may have visited your house, but have you let God in too?

We teach our kids about the Easter Bunny.  He has nothing — nothing — to do with the meaning of the holiday aside from the fact that the Christian holiday of Easter was a "mash-up" of the Christian celebration of the resurrection and the pagan ritual of fertility each spring — celebrating a goddes called "Eastre" or "Oestre" depending on your preferred spelling.  It was done that way by the church because potential pagan converts were willing to give up their gods, but not too thrilled about kissing their celebrations good-bye. 

People who celebrate fertility with orgies, and who don't like to stop partying.  Wow, sounds like college.  But I digress.

The point is that most kids who aren't Muslim or Buddhist can likely identify the mainstream view of Easter.  Fewer, probably, can identify the real meaning of the holiday — even in Christian families.  So I challenge you to sit with your children today, no matter their age, and explain to them why we are celebrating today.  Explain to them that the candy and toys and colored eggs are nice, but this would still be the most important day of the Christian calendar even without them.  Today is bigger than Christmas, people: on Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus; on Easter we celebrate his ultimate conquering of sin and death, so we can each have the chance to accept his love for us and, ultimately, join him in Heaven when we, too, rise above death. 

Mike,making an argument in favor of shipping jobs "across the pond?"  Absolutely, if it's the right thing to do.

I'm a Republican.  I'm a purist conservative.  I believe in what the Republican Party was originally based on: smaller government, less spending, lower taxes, minimized meddling in the affairs of the people, and leaving most decision-making to the state and municipal governments, among many other things.  But we also see the need for strong domestic businesses and a simple economy that desires healthy, legal competition and fair prices.  Unfortunately, the "conservative base" has been left behind by the Republican politicians.  Man, do I ever hate politicians.

I'm driving to a point here: Boeing recently lost a military contract to develop a new line of refueling aircraft to a conglomerate known as EADS — which includes French company Airbus (they, of the Airbus 380 double-decker luxury airliner fame).  Hoo-boy, was the "political right" up in arms about that one.  And so were the Democrats.  To them, it was the equivalent of outsourcing jobs for pennies on the dollar.

This is where the politics come in to play: people looked at the 35,000-foot view (given that this is about aircraft, I swear that was an unintended pun) of the situation: a French company would be building U.S. military aircraft.  How rude.  How cruel.  How Un-American.  How soooo not-apple-pie.

But for the people with their heads on ground-level, and facing the right direction, this was the right thing to do.  First of all, this isn't about shipping jobs overseas; in fact, EADS has promised to build the aircraft, or at least large portions, in a plant they agreed to build in Alabama as part of the contract.  The contract is actually listed under Northrop-Grumman, a long-time defense contractor who will likely be providing a majority of the avionics.  Guess where N.G. is based?  Yup, here in the states.  In fact, the only thing Airbus is providing, as best as I can tell, is the airframe — the "body," basically.

The reasons go beyond this, though.  For one thing, Airbus has, as of late, built a higher-quality aircraft at a more-bang-for-your-tax-dollar price.  On top of that, Boeing won the original contract in a no-bid situation that ultimately led to the dismissal of several top executives who got in deep, steaming crap for conflicts of interest — basically, they did things to win the contract essentially just to line their own pockets.  When all this came to light, several in Washington successfully had the contract nullified and the bidding was re-opened, this time with Airbus allowed to play the game.

Here's where the Democrats had a field day: People working for John McCain, the Republican nominee for the Presidential election this fall, were in the group lobbying to have the contract re-opened.  By picking and choosing their facts, they made it sound as if McCain had lobbied to outsource the program.  In reality, his people lobbied in 2004 to have the Boeing contract overturned because of the impropriety of the entire situation.  He wasn't lobbying in favor of a foreign company, he was lobbying against unfair business practices.  And I don't care who you are; you should be ashamed to call yourself a Republican — or a Democrat, or an American, for that matter — if you can actively and openly support unfair business activities.  We built this nation on fair, open trade and markets and healthy competition for customers, even if that customer is the nation itself.

And here's my final point on the matter: Boeing has had a strong upperhand in military contracts for a long time now, ever since N.G. was purchased by EADS.  They have dominated the U.S. airliner market because of the relatively low cost of aircraft in comparison to overseas competitors due to a weakening dollar and other economic factors.  They have become complacent, and quality has begun to suffer.  Ingenuity has fallen by the wayside, the victim of such large dominance in domestic markets.  If you want another example of this, look to Redmond, Washington, where Microsoft has supplied inferior products for years, simply because they are so ingrained in our American culture that the cost of replacing them in the infrastructure is prohibitive.  When competition is severely crippled, and you have the luxury of forced customer "loyalty," quality is generally the first victim.  By awarding the contract to Airbus, the U.S. government has — intentionally or not — quietly but sternly told Boeing that they now have to earn their contracts on quality, not past reputation and "friends in high places."

I don't care what side of the political fence you are on; if you can't see the good in this situation after examining the facts, you simply don't understand the original goal of our founding fathers to create a fair, free nation, free from political squabbling.  And it's the blurred vision we've developed toward that original concept that is now hindering this nation locally and abroad.   It's time to get back to basics, to understand that Capitalism is only good and successful when it is executed fairly, without underhanded favors.

I know I've been away for a little while; it's been a hectic few weeks.  And I know most of you who read this site do so because it's fun to laugh at me being an idiot.  I do it rather well.  But I have to go serious on you for a few minutes.

I feel a serious pain in my heart every day for this country.  We're headed down such a horrid path, and no one is doing a thing about it besides talking.  People condemn the actions of others, only to perpetrate their own crimes against themselves and their peers; political campaigns are filled to the brim with a bunch of wonderful rhetoric, but no real substance or activity.  Now we face a weak dollar, a housing market that would be a buyer's boone if the buyers out there hadn't already mortgaged their families' futures on false hopes of a dream loan, crime and violence are increasing nationwide, and the government that thinks it knows what's best for us is so divided on every issue that they've stalemated themselves.  And now, thanks to an overtly liberal media that pushes the me-first attitude, everyone thinks they are entitled to a hand-out to fix their problems.

Here are the facts, people: you have a responsibility to yourself, your family and your nation.  Yes, there are times when the government needs to give assistance to people; I've benefited from government help, and people to whom I am very close have benefited from it.  It's often very important, and just as often necessary.

However, you live in the Land of the Free; your decisions are yours to make.  And if you choose to sit on your lazy arse and try to collect money from the government without putting any effort forth, you are a leech and a major threat to this nation.  If you are informed that a category-four hurricane is going to hit your city that lies below sea level, you are able-bodied, and you choose not to leave, that's your problem, not mine.  If you failed to research the sub-prime lending vultures out there, and you failed to read the terms of the contract you signed, why should my tax dollars pay for your mistake?

My point is this: man up, people.  Take some responsibility for your own actions.  If you are unable to decide anything for yourself, do the world two favors: stop procreating, and go live in a communist country where the government will make sure you have no decisions of your own to make.  Your lack of personal responsibility is rapidly degrading this nation into a cesspool of the worst kinds of human dredge — blue-collar and white-collar included, there's no distinction in my mind between class when it comes to the scum of the earth. 

And, no, I'm not saying that everyone (or anyone in particular, for that matter) who defaulted on a sub-prime loan is the "scum of the earth."  That's not the implication; what is implied here is that you are responsible for your own decisions and the consequences that come from them.  If you choose to feel the government is obliged to bail you out, that the other 300 million people in this country should be forced to bear the burden of your failure to take responsibility for your actions, you are sadly mistaken.  I am happy to help out those who make an effort to help themselves, but I will not sit idly by and watch my hard-earned dollars continue to support and bail out those who just don't want to get a clue.

With that, I'd like to put something on the table for you: if I ran for President, would you vote for me?  Talk back!