The old adage is that “it takes money to make money.”  Methinks ??????? ????? ?? ??? ????? ????? ????? Obama (That’s “Elected One With No Valid Birth Certificate” in Arabic, which seems appropriate) took this business idea and applied it to politics.  It’s great when you talk about “eventual profit” but it royally sucks as a concept when thinking in terms of “holy crap we need money NOW!”

Let me put it like this: if you are attempting to save money, do you hire a full-time entertainer to make you laugh?  No, you drop your television package to basic cable and find something on TV that you find tolerable.  Do you hire a maid to clean the house?  No, you clean up after yourself like the vast majority of the world.  Or do you hire a gardener to mow your lawn?  No, you pay for a gallon of gas and…well, you get the picture.

But by throwing money at city parks, senators’ pet projects and Hollywood, that’s exactly what our new “leader” (calling him our president still feels fundamentally wrong) is doing, along with his cronies in Congress.

Do you need more money?  Sure, you probably do.  Have you had to take a pay cut in these harsh economic times, just like InvertedMind did a week ago?  It’s very possible.  Or maybe you’re one of the very unfortunate ones who actually is jobless right now.  So, how much of that $800 billion “stimulus” bill are you going to see?  Probably about $400.  That’s a far cry from the $8,000 of spending per U.S. household it comes out to.

Money is set aside to replace aging roads.  You know what?  They can be repaired for one more year.  Besides, that’s what your gas taxes are supposed to pay for.

Oh, they’ll argue that it will create jobs because construction crews need to be hired.  Okay, then, why does the budget Obama proposed for 2010 include increased taxes on businesses?!  Do you think making a business give more of its profits to the federal government frees up money to create jobs?  No!  All it’s doing is recycling the same money over and over again.

Do you want to know what you do?  You cut the crap.  Senators and Representatives, you get hit first.  Why?  Because I had nothing to do with the expected $1.7 trillion deficit after F.Y. 2010.  I pay my taxes.  YOU passed the tax laws.  And you are the ones who get to take more of my money every year just to build some stupid statue in a park in San Francisco, or fund a stupid science expedition to find out what a friggin’ Alaskan seal eats for breakfast on a sunny day versus a cloudy one.  So, members of Congress, you now are allowed to have no more than one aide.  Seem unreasonable?  I’ve been a member of the working public for 15 years now, and I’ve never had an assistant.  And — shock of all shocks — I actually work every weekday, not just a few days a month.  I don’t get to take the month of August off, like you stuck-up shmucks.  I work harder for for a dollar than you do for 20 of ‘em.  So suck it up and do some of the leg-work yourself, finally.

Next, you fix welfare.  If someone needs help, fine — but make sure there are tight regulations and time limits!  If you haven’t lifted a finger to find a decent job in the last ten years, then sorry ’bout your luck.  Your kids are being sent to foster care and you can cry in your Pabst Blue Ribbon.  For those of you who are making an effort, the government should make sure that they have specialists on staff who a) can help you find decent work, b) help you to get the training you need to develop useful skills, and c) give a damn about their own jobs!

After that, NASA goes on a one-year hold.  No more research, no more trips into orbit except for necessary maintenance.  All you scientists and astronauts still get paid — albeit at a slightly reduced rate — but the millions upon millions that go to fund the projects?  Gone.  See you in 2011.  Sorry, we have to take care of our terrestrial affairs first.

Want to create jobs?  I.M. has you covered: hire some-odd-thousand people to serve as auditors who can review every mortgage in, approaching or past foreclosure.  Those of you who lost your houses simply because of lost wages due to layoffs/paycuts or by being duped by a bank*, don’t worry.  We’re here to help.  But there are an awful lot of folks who screwed the country royally and knew what they were doing was illegal.  Did the buyers fudge their income numbers?  Guess what, sparky — not only are you losing your house, but your butt is headed to prison!  Did your mortgage broker further doctor those numbers, encourage you to do so, or deliberately give you false information or withold vital details from you in the first place?  Well, now you’ll have a cellmate. 

* If you didn’t read the fine print, you’ aren’t terribly bright for signing away three to thirty years of your financial life.  But because it’s illegal to discriminate against someone just because he or she is entirely incapable of basic contract protocol, you’re off the hook.  This time, at least.

And finally, finally, finally, break AIG and its assets up among several smaller insurers.  They took us for $60 billion, threw a party, and are now asking us for $60 billion more.  I don’t think anything further needs to be said about that topic.

I do have to congratulate Mr. Obama for one thing, though.  He managed to do something that we’ve been unable to do for 16 years: he got Hillary Clinton out of our hair.  By making her the new Secretary of State, she will be travelling abroad — long and often.