Right now, we’re going to talk about an issue that’s very near and dear to my pelvic area.  And before you jump all over me for being a sick, disgusting, perverted individual, I’m going to preface this by pointing out that I am not referring to anything sexual.

No, I’m referring to constipation combined with severe back pain.  And the latter has led directly to the former.

Thanks to pain we’re still trying to pinpoint, I am now taking a combination of hydrocodone (Vicodin) and morphine, both opioids (derrived from the poppy plant).  The downside is that, for most people, opioids cause constipation.

Had this been made known to me at the time of prescribing, I would have highlighted a fact that was already known, but apparently ignored, by the nurse practitioner who prescribed the pain meds: I am also taking Nexium, a proton-pump inhibitor (PPI).  For the uninitiated, that means I am taking something that forces my body to produce far less stomach acid due to gastroesophogal reflux disorder (GERD, or simply “acid reflux”).  That means the food I eat is already passing through my system without breaking down completely.

Of course, given the combination of medications I am taking, I’m not about to run out and buy a year’s supply of Ex-Lax just yet.  But it’s 4:30am, I’m in so much pain that I started researching appendicitis just to rule that out, and all I can do is sit here and breathe through the pain.

Or, to put it another way:

It’s nearly sunrise and I’m awake again
As waves of pain ebb now and then
Did I say ebb?  Well, there’s no flow
If only I could finally go
But alas, my rear, you do me wrong
And make me wait in pain so long
So once again in the dark I sit
Oh what I’d give to have to…you know.