Through a somewhat unfortunate set of circumstances, Kaylee lost two sitters in a three-week span.  It had nothing to do with any behavioral issue, and I don’t feel either of them did anything wrong.  Well, not the first one, Saint-or-Sitter, at least; she gave me two weeks’ notice and a valid reason, as opposed to 18 hours’ notice and an incredibly pety excuse, but maybe that’s a post for another time.  Regardless, all is forgiven.

The whole situation turned out to be a blessing, though: Her Cuteness has started preschool.

As her father, and the man who has essentially been her sole unpaid care-giver for the last 14 months, I’m saddened.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled — utterly ecstatic — that she’s growing up.  I get to see the transformation every day, and I’m amazed by how she’s changed just in the last two months.  Of course, someone apparently keeps giving her Defiance Hormone Injections in her sleep.  Either that, or The Terrible Twos really are as maddening as people have led me to believe.

But she’s…growing up.  It’s a double-edged sword, because I’m excited about watching her learn and grow, but I’m also seeing my baby girl slip away, going through a transformation that will eventually culminate in her reaching adolescence and, for me, what I predict will be a rapid succession of at least 47 peptic ulcers.

And let me interject this: there is not enough caffeine in the world — especially not for someone with a tolerance to the stuff that would make an elephant addicted to heroin seem minor in comparison — to make up for an average of four to five hours of sleep per night.  Believe me, I’ve tried.  I’ve probably accounted for at least 30 percent of the gross domestic product of Colombia for the last year, if you exclude the drug trade.  And, with a resting heart rate of an already meager 48 thanks to six months of running nine to 15 miles per week, I might go into a coma if I stop drinking the stuff.

But, I digress.

Kaylee was excited to go to “school.”  She was a little apprehensive when we first got there, but by the time I was ready to head off to work, I almost had to pry her away from her new-found friends and toys long enough to get a hug and a kiss from her.  And, if they would have let her stay, she would have happily spent the night there after her first day.

I’d like to point out how proud I am of the fact that I haven’t held her back from any culinary experiences, in spite of my own picky food tastes (strange to hear that come from an accomplished cook, I know).  This is a girl who loves broccoli and lima beans.  So I wasn’t surprised to hear that she ate all her peas yesterday.  I was, however, shocked to find out that it caught her teachers off-guard.  It would seem to me that these people wouldn’t be shocked by any food preferences.  But, considering this is the south where collared greens and fried okra are considered delicacy instead of “lawn clippings” and “something that should never be put on a plate,” maybe I shouldn’t be all that surprised.

So, day one of preschool came and went.  She was excited to go again today, so that’s a win for me.  It’s affordable, everyone there is fantastic, and — most importantly — Kaylee is finally going to have a chance to broaden her horizons and make new friends.  Her social development should become a lot more rapid at this point.  I don’t know if that excites me, or if it scares me in ways spiders and rattlesnakes could only dream of.

I think it’s the latter.

A story in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette is reinforcing a growing, frightening trend in school systems around the country: students are not allowed to completely and utterly fail.

The concept, according to the article, is to “give kids a chance” to recover when they’ve screwed up for an entire grading period, giving them a grade no lower than 50 percent on any quiz, test or exam.  That means that they never are lower than 50 percent away from perfection, even if they answered the question, “What is Sacajawea?” with “A bag full of jawea.”  (I wish I could claim ownership of that joke, because it’s flippin’ hilarious, but I can’t.)  While giving kids a second chance is a good idea in theory, it’s a horrible, horrible idea in real life.

Now, there are going to be a lot of people who are going to want to lynch me here, but I believe in letting a child fail.  One of the most important skills a person can learn to prepare themself for adulthood is the ability to cope with failure.  Outside of chemical imbalances, I would bet my life that the number one cause of depression in teens is their inability to understand that screwing up happens, and the only way to fix the problem is to try harder.

The best analogy here is the U.S. automakers.  They’ve royally screwed up their standing in the world auto market by producing inferior products on the premise of “status quo is good enough.”  What ultimately happened is they produced crap long enough to allow Japanese makers to surpass them in quality and take a near-stranglehold on U.S. auto sales.  Now, they carry such a stigma of crap that they’re struggling to regain market share in an economy that is refusing to buy the overweight, fuel-consuming vehicles that have been a trademark of U.S. design for decades, even when the cars are now as good or better than their foreign counterparts.

But, rather than letting the companies fail or allowing one of the major manufacturers to purchase another, the U.S. government is proposing ways to bail them out.  In other words, the people who are supposed to be looking out for the better good of the U.S. are recommending we simply scold the problem child of the economy who broke the neighbor’s window, and then pay to replace the window with no consequence to the one(s) who created their own problems to begin with.  The only message that sends is, “we can’t fail, no matter how hard we try.”  And, in doing so, the government is in no way giving the automakers a reason to fix the disease of failure.

It works the same way with kids: if you coddle them while they can still be coddled, they won’t have a clue as to how to fix their real failures when they are adults and will be held fully accountable for their actions.  Under the sudden stress of failure, a situation in which they never found themselves as a child, I’d wager most of them will crack.

So, by telling a kid they will receive half-credit for no effort, we are setting them up to expect that.  If a recent high-school graduate gets his first job after receiving his diploma at a school where zero equals half, do you think that kid is going to put in a full day’s hard work?  Probably not, because they’ve been taught that “good enough is good enough.”  But, in the real world, there are no free rides (except for some shady people under the current, poorly managed welfare system, but that’s a different issue altogether).  Great gets you a promotion, good enough gets you a paycheck until someone better than you comes along, and expecting a second chance lands you in the unemployment line.  That’s how the real world works, and school is supposed to prepare us to handle the everyday challenges we will face in life.  This does exactly the opposite, and contributes to the sense of entitlement so many people have in the world today.

News flash: nobody owes you anything.  I don’t care if you are black or Native American looking for reparations.  I don’t care if you are earning an adequate wage with a merely adequate effort.  No one owes you a dime for what happened to your ancestors, and no one owes you a pat on the back for simply doing your job.  Heck, no one even owes you a promotion for going above and beyond; this is a free-enterprise economy, and if you don’t like your situation, you are responsible for making it better.  Not your boss, not your neighbor and certainly not Uncle Sam.  And in order to be prepared to improve your life, you need to be challenged in school, not pampered.

There’s another downside to this mountain-like issue, too: by flattening out failure, you are cheapening success.  If it isn’t as hard to succeed, people won’t give it the extra effort.  And, thanks to decades of caving to minority factions of the population who think giving a kid an F is harmful to his or her “fragile” ego and to those who believe that spanking lowers self esteem, we’ve spiraled rapidly into nearly unfightable crime and standings in math, science and language that are so low in the developed, modern world that it’s a wonder we’re still even considered a world power.  By attempting to bring up the average through artificial means, we’ve dumbed down the top end of the supply of intelligence.

Bottom line: the failures of those at the bottom end — and I say this with heartfelt apologies (but no remorse) even about the ones who give it an honest effort but still struggle — should not carry a bill that is paid for by those at the top end.  Those who excel should not be hindered by those who don’t.  Period.